Jimmy Sherrill @Phlorg

Monster Party (NES)

One of the most bizarre games ever. But it's fun.

The Good
It's just so dang hilarious! You play as a shiny-haired 8-year-old boy who sees a giant meteor, then it turns out to be purple gargoyle! His name is "Bert" and his dimmension is being taken over by monsters. Thus begins one boy's genocidal rampage against an entire race of monsters from another world, using only a BASEBALL BAT. Plus, you can turn into a green monster by taking, belive it or not, little green pills.

The Bad
Sometimes you would laugh so hard at the insanity of this game that it would become hard to play and then you would lose.

The Bottom Line
Get this game if you're depressed. I guarentee you'll start laughin the instant you see the title screen.

By Jimmy Sherrill on December 8, 2004

Extreme Paintbrawl (Windows)

It is a scientific fact that this is the worst First-Person Shooter ever made in the history of the universe.

The Good
Well, I guess you could say that it's so bad it's good. No, wait, scratch that.

The Bad
Everything. The graphics are terrible, the sound is horrible, the whole idea of a computer simulation of a combat simulation is stupid, the weapons are weak, the textures are shockingly low-resolution, map design is horrid, the game's engine renders about 13 polygons in all, and the objects are wierd and blocky. The worst mistake Head Games made, though? DECIDING TO NOT INCLUDE VIOLENCE IN A FIRST-PERSON SHOOTER. Plus, when you get hit, you lose your really cool gun and it gets replaced with a lousy default gun with paintballs that have trouble gathering up enough velocity to leave the barrel.

The Bottom Line
Just terrible. I think that Head Games should be sued for even coming up with the idea for this game. Like anyone's going to like an FPS based on paintball.

By Jimmy Sherrill on December 8, 2004

River City Ransom (NES)

Take Street Fighter, add Final Fantasy, throw in some Super Mario Brothers, what do you get? River City Ransom!

The Good
Hands down, River City Ransom was one of the best games ever for the NES, and way ahead of its time. You can pick up a large variety of objects and learn a huge arsenal of moves, plus you can get money from the beaten up gang members to buy food and other items, which replenish your health, will power, or other stats. Plus, it has a neat tilted view that gives the illusion of depth, like in Commander Keen: Goodbye Galaxy, which came out about 2 years later. Plus, the boss fights are very nice and challenging.

The Bad
The gang members had positivley bizarre names like "Stick" and "Dusty". Also, it gets to an almost unfair difficulty sometimes, with 3 or 4 gang members throwing stuff at you and beating you up.

The Bottom Line
When I was eight, I used to play this game every five minutes. The reason, you may ask? It's one of the best games of all time. It also makes a nice stress releaver.

By Jimmy Sherrill on December 8, 2004

Extreme Rise of the Triad (DOS)

All in all, one of the best first-person shooters of all time

The Good
Well, for starters, it has some of the most innovative weapons and powerups ever. Also, Extreme Rise Of The Triad comes with 41 new levels, plus fan-made stuff. Also, c'mon, it has enough gratuitous violence to last you a week, plus, as in the original ROTT, you have the option to turn off the violence for younger kids.

The Bad
Well, just like the original ROTT, the graphics aren't too sharp (bu it has decal support!) Also, I found that multiplay can lag every once and awhile.

The Bottom Line
Listen, just ignore all the lousy graphics and laggy multiplay and just GET THIS GAME. It would be hard to live with the guilt of not having it.

By Jimmy Sherrill on December 7, 2004