N

The Good
169. That's how many results you get when you type "N" into Mobygames' search engine. No doubt that number will be even higher tomorrow. "N" herself, resides down here in number 77. Almost as if she was hiding herself, knowing full well her ability to wreak havoc on you if you stumble upon her and play her for more than fifteen minutes.

It's never a good thing to anthromorphise a game. When you begin to stop playing N out of spite, because you want to hurt her feelings by not playing her anymore, for being so damn hard, for having you demonstrate incredible skill only to kill you two millimetres from the exit, then you know you're crazy. Or she's crazy. No, it's definitely her. twitch

N is a basic platform game. You are a "ninja" who must collect "gold" whilst avoiding "robots". You have ninety seconds to complete groups of five levels, but every piece of gold you collect gives you two extra seconds of life, so there is a proper incentive. What really makes N stand out from other platformers though is it's physics. Controlling the character is simple, but not easy. There are lots of tricks for you to learn such as wall jumping, and once you master them they give a great feeling of accomplishment and you'll be able to zip round the early courses like you never thought possible. It's a skill in itself and an enjoyable one to pursue.

So yes, N is a skill game. Doubtless you'll call it every other name under the sun should you play it, but you won't call it unfair. Every time you die, it really will be your fault, (which of course just makes you hate it all the more.) Fortunately, the earliest levels are very easy, but the difficulty rises sharply soon after. There are 500 to get through, so...er...a few then. And that's discounting all the user-made ones. Some people have completed N however. I'm just not one of them.

Oh, and it's free.

The Bad
You're kidding, right?

I hate the game itself. I hate her malevolent siren call which calls me back to her like a slave. She has a rope around my neck attached to a wooden pole - preventing me from getting too close or too far away. Despite her ugliness (she's dressed in all grey, surely the worst colour there is despite being easy on the eyes) she makes me determined to conquer her, knowing full well I never will. I've screamed at her. She just sits there in silence. What does she need to do? She knows I'll come back. She can be boring and repetitive. She can drive me to madness. I'll still come back.

twitch

In all seriousness, I dislike the fact that becoming good enough to complete N is a task comparable with learning another language fluently. If only because...well...it's pointless. It would be an awesome waste of life. Why not learn to hang-glide instead? Or dig those weights out from the shed and start using them again?

There's not much else you can criticize the game for. It's levels don't gradually increase in difficulty, and you may find later levels far easier than earlier ones, but that's intentional and also quite refreshing. Bemoaning the fact that there is no music or something stupid like that, is like bemoaning that there is no music in a game of chess.

The Bottom Line
I have had some of the most horrible times in my life playing N, but presumably you understand the appeal of the thing by now and I've just been hammering the point home for the last 8 paragraphs.

Don't feel like your computer hates you enough? Give this a try.

twitch

The Good
In almost any platform game you always find yourself holding the jump button long after you've jumped, or tried to coax your character to manoeuvre mid-air. To actually be able to do such a thing, and to make it feel so natural, is the main appeal to N.

Your character doesn’t miss a jump by a pixel for any other reason than your skill. The ninja reacts to your every impulse, becomes an attachment to you. He’s a Parkour Jesus and you ARE him, down to every movement. Techniques such as jumping from wall to wall and sliding down vertical surfaces come easily and work just like they feel they should. And crucially you are always affected by gravity and momentum, no matter how hard to fight them. The antics of the Prince of Persia feel nowhere near as organic as the delicate dance of N.

N’s strength is in its ingenious simplicity. Each level has the same basic enemies and goal: open the door and get the hell out. But it’s the understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of each enemy that the designers have exploited that distinguishes each. The moving blocks have one electrified edge. Some levels it’s a moving platform, some it’s an attacking enemy. Mindless drones are coerced by opening and closing doors to change their routines or even pursue you. Homing missiles chase you and suddenly the whole dynamic of the level changes. Jump the entire length of the level to reach the button and, as the ninja scrapes down the opposite wall, you realise you are too low to jump back and must brave the dangerous maze below.

Crucially you never strike back at the enemy, or turn them against each other. They are single minded obstacles for you to duck, jump, bounce and fly over.

There is an option to play through the levels in a trial mode, letting your skip particularly difficult ones. But that’s not why you play. You play with a timer. Ubiquitous gold coins are your life-blood, extending the timer by the tiniest bit. You often have to deviate from your course to collect these gems or risk a death-defying jump into the unknown with only a second remaining.

Oh and my favourite feature? The game starts up almost instantly in a separate window, allowing you to play and do whatever you want simultaneously. Play your own music in the background for added affect. I’m playing it right now if you’d like to know ;)

The Bad
That little animation when the ninja reaches the door, the little dance or the collapse on the floor. You truly feel his exuberance every time you see it. Because before you do you have to watch your protagonist’s corpse blasted to pieces, bounced from enemy to enemy, toyed with and desecrated. A lot.

This game is HARD. So hard it even has a suicide key. Absolute and total control is demanded of you throughout each level. The tiniest slip and those limbs scatter about once more and you smash the space bar key to restart. People with sensitive internal organs or are Aneurysm-prone should steer clear to this game because even the smallest of levels have you perched on the edge of your seat, eyes an inch from the screen, hairs on the back of your neck tingling. My room gets odd looks from passers-by when they hear my constant “oooh… no… yes… nonono… aw… n… FUCK!” smash. I’ve screamed incomprehensible German at the screen in all seriousness many, many times. In fact I’ve probably lost a few years from my life because of this game.

Yes this game is hard, but it’s a real shame that some missions are genuinely impossible. In the two I’ve stumbled upon you are given a 3 second timer and expected to either press a button which is about ten seconds away or grab gold coins that are about five seconds away. Frankly it’s insulting that these levels made it into the game. With no way of passing them there’s no way of legitimately completing the game. It’s making me pound the keyboard a little overenthusiastically just thinking of it so I’ll move on.

Not quite as bad is the occasional habit of buttons locking permanent doors halfway through the level that prevent its completion, meaning you have to kill yourself and start again. But sometimes these buttons are hidden behind objects, or put somewhere that momentum makes very hard to avoid. They look almost identical to standard switches as well. This poor little ninja has enough to compete with. Outright trickery is a step too far.

Do yourself a favour and turn Sticky Keys off on your computer, or just map the controls to the arrow keys (it plays much more naturally that way anyhow). Terrible things have happened to nearby inanimate objects when that goddamn message pops up right after a carefully placed jump. What the hell are Sticky Keys for anyway?? Screw them.

The Bottom Line
You'll lose many hairs and break many desks and keyboards, but always come back to the elegant dance of N.