Mario's Tennis

The Good
My Face Is On Fire!

In my never ending quest, to review, at least one game for every console/computer, ever made. I am led to the Virtual Boy. Remember this one? Possibly Nintendo’s biggest blunder.(It is up there with New Coke, as one of the biggest blunders of all time.-MM-) For one it was all in red, and for two, it had a horrible controller, and the “Virtual” was lame.

As the name, implies, you play tennis. As Mario and his friends.

I decided to review Mario Tennis. The first in the long running series, and one of the only Virtual Boy games I have ever played. I would like to make special mention of something, that has been bugging me. It seems that there are actually people that think that this rubbish was a good console. No joke. Actually, the review is right here on Moby.

Which, just goes to show you, no matter how dumb something is there is always someone that thinks it is great. Some one out there must have enjoyed Transformers 2, for example. And I am sure there is some one out there that thinks that the Apple Lisa, was a great computer. And that Tom Cruise deserves an Oscar.

They claim, that in was a “conspiracy” to kill the Virtual Boy. Even though, it was only because of the fact that it was a piece of shit. You see, bad products fail. That is how it works, like how the PS3 is failing.

This knucklehead, even wrongly alleges, that, you are supposed to take a break from videogames, every 15 minutes. When it is actually, a 15 minute break, every hour. I hate when nitwits try to manipulate, the facts to prove their idiotic view point.

This game started a franchise, that would eventually be good. On the N64, and Gamecube.

The Bad
If you played this game to long, or any game of this horrid system, you would get huge headaches. And your eyes would hurt. And most likely you would be seeing red for a while.

This torture device was also very hard to use. As it was very uncomfortable. Like being in the back of a Volkswagen.

But the gameplay sucks. All the tennis arena's look the same. There is no multiplayer. And the game it self is dull and bland. At least future games in the series would correct this.

I think, that Nintendo made this to mock there fan base. Yet some of these dopes actually bought into it. One of the dumbest things that proponents of clap-trap always claim is that Nintendo made it red, because using more colors would have been to expensive. Then why bother? If you ever want a laugh read Nintendo Power’s article, in which they actually praise this shit-ass machine.

The Bottom Line
If you actually have like the Virtual Boy, then, I have a question for you. What are you on, that makes you so delusional?

The Good
Fantastic. Not enough people know about it, though. It's really, genuinely fun, simple tennis action with Mario and friends. Not much else to say.

The Bad
Not much to complain about, really.

The Bottom Line
If you ever have a chance to buy an old Virtual Boy, do you yourself a favor and don't think twice about it. The system was shunned by the public because it cause "head-aches", and hurt people's eyes, but really the entire problem was that they weren't reading the precautions that Nintendo included in every manual and IN EVERY GAME: which was that you're SUPPOSED to take a break from playing it every 15 minutes. In fact, that's the standard recommendation for all video game-play, and yet no one listens. Please don't believe the hype --- Virtual Boy was an incredible system, and without a doubt one of the most fun toys (yes, TOYS -- it's all about fun, isn't it) that Nintendo has ever produced. It's a shame that Gunpei Yokoi later left the company because of it's failure. Ah, well. It's all history now. This is a fun game, and if you were a fan of any of the Mario Tennis games for N64, Gameboy Color, and GameCube, chances are good you'll find this pretty decent, too.

I give it a 85/100.

The Good
The music is simple yet catchy; most of the tunes will get stuck in your head. The different players add a small level of depth to the game, which gives it some replay value and makes each match different, which helps the game from getting too stagnant. Finally, some graphical aspects of the game are neat, such as the different backgrounds. Each player has their own background and while most are nothing but static displays a few are animated, which is a nice touch. Sometimes I’ve found myself spending more time looking at the backgrounds than match itself.

The Bad
The AI seems to go crazy towards the end of some matches, well above the difficulty level it is set at. For nearly the entire match the AI will stay at the difficulty you’ve set it at, but then about ¾ of the way through the AI turns into Pete Sampras. I’ve played plenty matches where I’m up by a large margin only to watch it vanish in a few serves. Also, the overall presentation is a little bland. There’s nothing but empty, black space around the court which is a shame considering the various backgrounds. A few rocks, trees or even weeds would have made it look better. The menus have the same problem as well. I understand that it’s a tennis game but still, they might have been able to add something to the menus to make them a little more interesting. Finally, the collision detection between the racket and the ball seems to be off at times, especially when you attempt an overhead smash. You “feel” that you’re in the right spot for a hit but when you swing the ball seems to sail just over the top or side of the racket. It’s frustrating when you think you have a great shot lined up only to see the ball fly right past your racket. All in all, though, it’s just tennis. For some people that’s just fine but I found that for myself, I can only play one game before I have to set it down.

The Bottom Line
A tennis game with Mario characters.